Some of my favorite finds over the last month. These are affiliate links and I may receive a commission if you purchase something through them.
Make sure to sign up for my email list so that you get these links in your inbox!
Viewing entries in
wardrobe advice
If you’ve been around for a while, you know this isn’t the first time I’ve written about this, but I’m writing about it again because it’s so important to remember and because it’s so connected to the patriarchy.
Did you know that men’s clothes are designed with the knowledge and recognition (assumption) that all men’s bodies will be different in shape and size? Pants are often sold unhemmed because it’s assumed that the ratio between men’s waists and their inseams will vary. I learned only recently that men’s clothing is also made with fabric allowances to let out or take in to fit to the body of the person buying the garment. It’s almost as if they know that no item will fit every unique person.
Imagine if women’s clothes were made like that, to acknowledge the fact that EVERY single person buying the item will need to make changes to it to have it fit their body.
Not only are women’s clothes *not* made with a diversity of bodies in mind, women’s clothing manufacturers will actually design clothes to fit a mythical body and then search for the one human on earth who fits those dimensions to be their fit model. If they have a hard time finding one person to fit into their clothes, how are the rest of us supposed to do it?
And don’t get me started on the inconsistency of sizing (skip to 1:05 in this video for the history).
I wish there was a better solution to this problem than trying on a ton of items to try to hit the fit lottery, making your own clothes, or blowing up the entire fashion industry and starting over, but at the moment, there’s not.
So, just a reminder: your body isn’t wrong, your clothes just weren’t made for you.
Somehow, we've been conditioned to think that just because we're women, we're supposed to love shopping. However, since doing this work, I know that that's not true for the majority of you. It makes sense, since shopping is a skill like any other that needs to be taught and developed. You wouldn't expect someone to know how to build a house or reconcile an account without learning how, so why do we expect that of ourselves about shopping?
Many of you are confused about what you need, how to shop, where to look, what size to buy, whether to keep something, and on top of that, you feel bad about yourself because you're just supposed to know all this stuff.
You're in luck, because I have a Stress Free Shopping workshop that answers a lot of these questions. Here’s what you’ll learn:
How past experiences have shaped your present frustrations
Realistic expectations for shopping
How to keep your focus and stay away from distractions
How to make sense of sizing
Specific tips for shopping online
Sound like something that could help you? The cost is $47, check it out here.
P.S. If you'd prefer to just outsource the shopping to me, we can work together one on one. Learn more about my services here.
This concept of both/and has been one of the few things I feel like I’ve actually learned in my 44 years on this spinning rock. Motherhood really kicked that into gear. I can want to stay home with my baby and also want to work. I can feel really ambitious and also not have the energy to act on my ambitions. I can both love my children dearly and lose my s#@% with them.
How can clothes matter both a lot and not at all? Well, sometimes I think clothes matter a lot. I want everyone to have the experience of feeling good in their clothes, of wearing an outfit that makes them feel good, that they feel themselves in. We have to get dressed every day and it’s something we do every day that can have an impact on our mood. In particular, if you’re wearing clothes that don’t fit, it can really make you feel terrible. It’s important.
Here’s where I might deviate from other “personal stylists”.
And also, clothes aren’t important at all. What if you’re wearing an outfit that isn’t the fullest embodiment of your personal style? What if you’re wearing something you don’t love? What happens then? Mostly, nothing, especially if we don’t make it mean something. It shouldn’t matter because our clothes don’t define us. Who we are as people isn’t determined by what we wear. It can’t be, because as we know there are many barriers to being able to show up as yourself in your clothes (cultural expectations, financial constraints, size accessibility). And so, clothes also aren’t that important.
Yes, we want to feel confident in our clothes and sometimes a specific outfit gives us that sense of safety and confidence. But should we feel bad about ourselves when we have a big day and our clothes aren’t giving us that security? No, in those cases, we have to remember that it’s the content of what we’re doing or who we are that’s really important.
So either way, you’re ok. If you enjoy the process of thinking about what you’re wearing, clothes may matter to you. If you don’t enjoy it, and prefer to think as little as possible about clothes, then they aren’t that important. And for some of us, some days clothes are important and some days they’re not.
P.S. Here’s a blog post I wrote about the evolution of my style over time and a few tips for how to separate from those external messages and identify your authentic personal style.
Ethical fashion is a nebulous issue.
Even within “sustainable” brands, there is a wide range of commitment. Are you paying your workers a living wage? Are you disposing of toxins responsibly? Are you using ethically sourced fabric? Are you offsetting shipping carbon? The list goes on and on and I doubt there’s any company doing absolutely all of these things.
By its nature, ethically made fashion costs more and not everyone has the resources available to participate in it. There also is not the same range of size availability that there is in other brands.
There is also a sneaky trick being played by corporations wherein they try to place the responsibility for these ethical dilemmas on consumers. Holding large corporations (and the government for not regulating them) accountable for their unethical practices will make much more of a difference than punishing ourselves for not making the most ethical purchase.
Despite all of these things, when I talk to people on the interwebs, they feel guilty if every purchase isn’t perfectly, sustainably, ethically made. Some of you aren’t buying new clothes because you’re paralyzed by the task of trying to make the best purchases possible.
Here’s the thing: clothing affects how we feel on a given day and you need clothes that fit. If you feel bad about yourself because you’re wearing clothes that are too small, you won’t have the energy and capacity to work towards bettering the world.
The most ethical thing you can do is to buy clothes that you will wear often. You can buy new clothes ethically even if the clothes aren’t ethically made by considering how much you’re going to use and wear something. If you buy something from the Gap and wear it three times a week for three years, it’s a more ethical purchase than something ethically made that never gets worn.
Even then, you’ll make mistakes. You’ll buy things you thought you’d love and wear but you don’t. You’ll buy things and then your body will change again. Do your best.
Am I saying you shouldn’t strive to buy clothes ethically? Absolutely not. But shaming and guilting people into feeling bad about procuring new clothes to fit their current body is not productive and is actually hampering the overall forward movement.
What do you think? Are you trying to achieve eco-conscious perfection?
Every once in a while, I work with a client who’s already an expert shopper and doesn’t need my help in that area. Virginia was one of those. We spent all of our time together confirming her style and editing down her massive collection of incredible clothes so that she could make room for a baby! During our time together, she did a massive amount of research about maternity clothes for plus size women and she’s allowing me to share it here so that everyone can benefit! Here’s a list from her with her personal notes.
Seek Collective - size-inclusive linen dresses
Nap Lounge Wear - elevated loungewear that runs huge
Pink Blush - great, cheap basics, size-inclusive, so great
Storq - have a small plus size maternity section but it’s nice stuff, love the jumper overalls
Old Navy - plus size in store now and I found a lot of maternity returns on the sale rack
Peridot Robes - actually luxurious feeling plus size robes that fit!!
Athleta - also has some great robes.
ASOS - maternity stuff is cut like I’m 6’ tall but I’ve made some of it work
Miranda Bennett Studio - got a cool linen nursing dress here
Shiny by nature - colorful, size-inclusive basics!
Lucy and Yak - adorable overalls, size-inclusive, not good for short people
Philomena + Ruth - dope jumpsuits and lounge pants, have almost all of them
Artemisia made - expensive, nice, roomy linen stuff
Esby - my old Esby stuff fits great
Uzi - the tunics always fit and are such a good price
Saint and Sophia - great lounge pants
Rachel Craven - expensive, dope, often sold out
Gentle Herd - giant, nice sweaters
MIMU MAXI - so many stretchy, basics
Lattelier - giant sweaters, expensive
Such an amazing list, right? And here’s a little love from Virginia about our work together.
Where did you shop for maternity items?
On a recent podcast interview, the host asked me how I came to my current feelings around body acceptance. Until that point, I hadn’t really traced back the evolution of my thoughts. Many people who do this kind of work do it because they struggled with their own issues and worked through them. After coming out on the other side, they wanted to help others do the same thing.
That’s not my story.
It feels strange to say, but aside from the past year, I personally have not struggled that much with body image issues. Like most women, I’ve had issues here and there, but growing up in a body that was generally accepted by the mainstream at least meant that I didn’t have to deal with judgements or criticisms from anyone outside of myself.
If you’ve been here from the beginning, you’ll know that when I started mindful closet, I was focused on minimalism. I felt like we were all drowning in stuff, and that’s partially true. But over time, I worked with hundreds of women, seeing them emotionally and physically naked. Going through the backstories of the clothes they held onto for decades, I saw the same thing holding them all back. And it was how they felt about their bodies.
The women I worked with weren’t able to become minimalist or anything close to it because they felt bad about their bodies. Because they weren’t able to accept that it was ok for their bodies to change throughout their lives, they felt that letting go of those old clothes would somehow signify giving up. On shopping trip after shopping trip, I saw that if women had permission to buy clothes that fit and felt good on their current bodies, they were able to give attention to more important things.
It made me feel so sad about the amount of energy that went into this self-flagellation and made me feel strongly that women could live happier lives if they could come to a place of body acceptance.
How does body acceptance relate to minimalism?
If you can accept that it’s ok for your body to change, you can let go of all the stuff you’ve holding onto because you thought you had to contort your body back into some past version of yourself.
If you’re not buying clothes for some fantasy life or body, you’ll naturally buy less. You’ll only buy things because you like them and they work for your life and your body as it is now.
If you trust and respect your current body, you’ll naturally want to clothe it in only things that make it feel good and you’ll have higher standards for the things you allow into your wardrobe.
So body acceptance has slowly become my focus. If we can work toward it, the rest will follow.
If you’d like to talk about how you can work toward body acceptance through the lens of wardrobe, book a free 20 minute clarity call to talk about what that might look like for you.
P.S. Reading has always been my entry point into new ideas. Here are a few of my favorite books on this topic (these are affiliate links and may earn me a small commission if you purchase through them).