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shopping tips

we're not born with the skill to shop

we're not born with the skill to shop

Somehow, we've been conditioned to think that just because we're women, we're supposed to love shopping. However, since doing this work, I know that that's not true for the majority of you. It makes sense, since shopping is a skill like any other that needs to be taught and developed. You wouldn't expect someone to know how to build a house or reconcile an account without learning how, so why do we expect that of ourselves about shopping?

Many of you are confused about what you need, how to shop, where to look, what size to buy, whether to keep something, and on top of that, you feel bad about yourself because you're just supposed to know all this stuff.


You're in luck, because I have a Stress Free Shopping workshop that answers a lot of these questions. Here’s what you’ll learn:


  • How past experiences have shaped your present frustrations

  • Realistic expectations for shopping

  • How to keep your focus and stay away from distractions

  • How to make sense of sizing

  • Specific tips for shopping online


Sound like something that could help you? The cost is $47, check it out here.


P.S. If you'd prefer to just outsource the shopping to me, we can work together one on one. Learn more about my services here.

change this expectation about shopping online

change this expectation about shopping online


Shopping is hard. Really hard. And somehow, as women, we're all expected not only to know how to do it, but to enjoy it.

When you order clothes online, what are your expectations? Do you generally expect that the clothes you order will fit? If so, you might need to change this expectation or you'll be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Unfortunately, manufacturers make clothes in the most generic proportions possible. They’re hoping to hit as many people as possible with one cut of a garment, when human bodies are infinitely varied. It’s unreasonable to expect that something that was made for a one-size-fits-none fictional body would fit your unique body.

A more realistic expectation is that when you order things online, maybe half of them will actually look like they looked in the picture. Half of *those* will fit your body. Half of those will fit your body and you will like the way they feel on your body. Half of those will fit, and feel good, and align with your aesthetic style. When I tell clients that a good success rate for an online shopping order is to expect 10% of items to work out, they look at me like I’m crazy.

online shopping tips.jpeg

Here’s a picture of about half (only half!) of the jeans I ordered and tried on last fall searching for jeggings I liked. Guess how many of them worked for me?

Zero.

I have the knowledge of where to look and what to buy. I’m a straight sized (the sizes most stores carry, generally 0-12) person with thin privilege. And still, nothing worked for me. I ended up sticking with some thrifted jeggings from a fast fashion brand that were better than any of the other options I tried. If you have any other special sizing needs, it's going to be even harder for you. Add another layer of difficulty if you're in the middle of a style or body transition.

I don’t say this to make anyone lose hope at finding what they need. I say it so that you know that you are not alone, that shopping for clothes is hard, that they are not made to fit our unique bodies. I say it so that you can take the fact that something doesn’t work with a grain of salt and keep on moving without it taking you and your mood down with it.

What do you find frustrating about online shopping?

P.S. I recorded a 90-minute online workshop with all my tips and an accompanying workbook called The Stress Free Shopping Workshop - you can purchase it here.

Looking for one-on-one help? In my new program, I'll help you set those expectations and teach you how to shop mindfully. I'm currently booking clients for April. I have 3 more spots available. This is how it works. If you're interested, book a call below.

The Stress Free Shopping Workshop is now available!

The Stress Free Shopping Workshop is now available!

Does the thought of having to buy new clothes fill you with dread? 

Do you want to opt out of consumer culture and buy things thoughtfully?

Do you struggle with where to start when you need to purchase something?

In The Stress Free Shopping Workshop, I’ll teach you how to reduce the overwhelm around the shopping experience.

tips for stress free shopping

This pre-recorded 90 minute workshop and accompanying workbook are available here for $37. For a quick taste of it, here’s a short video with one simple tip you can use to make shopping more efficient.

IN THIS WORKSHOP, YOU WILL LEARN:

  • How past experiences have shaped your present frustrations

  • Realistic expectations for shopping

  • How to keep your focus and stay away from distractions

  • How to make sense of sizing

  • Specific tips for shopping online

Everything you need to make shopping easier and more stress free is here! Sign up now!

a mindful shopping evolution

a mindful shopping evolution

I don't really have to shop anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still buy clothes whenever I need them, but I don't have to go out on expeditions any more or just browse for that thing I didn't know I needed until I saw it. Over the last few years, I've learned a lot about my style, my preferences, and what works for my lifestyle and I know from past experience will actually get worn.

saint louis personal shopper



I keep a running list of what I'm looking for at any point in time. When I see something that fits the bill, is high quality, and a good price, I just get it. Unlike most other things in my life, I don't feel guilt about it. 

Example: before I was pregnant, I had a pair of black Paige jeans, which were a pretty useful wardrobe staple. These jeans were great and super comfy, but they had ankle zips (lesson learned: don't buy pants with ankle zips, it limits the type of shoes you can wear with them). I sold those (lesson learned: if you buy good quality, you can usually get some money back when you get rid of them), and kept my eye out for another pair. While I was looking, and while my body adjusted to having created a human, I wore a cheap pair of black jeans from Old Navy that served a transitional purpose. I decided that this summer, at the Nordstrom anniversary sale, I'd see if I could finally replace that pair of black denim. I tried on a few pairs, the AGs were amazing, on sale for a good price, and the decision had already been made. Easy. 

The other day, I had a few minutes in between appointments and stopped in at The Vault. I tried on a bunch of things and found a few that had been on my list to be replaced. Since they were resale, it was great quality stuff for Gap prices. The things that worked, I bought. Took 30 minutes, tops. 

I'm certainly not saying that I have it all figured out. I still buy things that I don't need or things that don't hold up as well as I hoped they would (looking at you, Banana Republic cardigan). However, I honestly feel a lot less anxiety around whether I'm making the right decisions when shopping. If only I could find a way to get that feeling about the non-clothes-related decisions in my life! 

So, to keep myself accountable, these are the other things currently on my list: a cool bag that fits my laptop, grey cardigan, lightweight casual fall jacket, and Birkenstocks to replace current ones (hoping to find them on end-of-summer sale). Anything else will have to be super-special to even be considered.

Apparently, this works for my clients too. I sent out an email to all my clients this month, reminding them to book time for the fall. I got several responses to the effect of this one from Diana: "You taught me so well (how to know my style, weed out my closet, go shopping for one item at a time and with a list made ahead of time) that you might have taught your way out of job with me! I learned so much from having you as my personal shopper. Thanks to you, I feel confident in my clothes and am able to go shopping when I need to." and Persis: "I've learned something about which of my habits are abiding preferences, so the trip we did together was a very important step in the right direction." and Joanne: "The time that we spent with you last spring still influences how we shop, dress, etc.  As we clean out our closets and shop for new items, we think about how you helped us and the advice that you gave us.  I think that your sense of style, wardrobe planning skills, and the encouragement to get rid of what we're not regularly wearing have influenced us the most. I still don't like shopping, but working with you has helped me to put together outfits for myself with less stress." 

The whole process is more than a one-time reboot, it's a constant learning process

Book a mini session with me here.

nordstrom anniversary sale picks

nordstrom anniversary sale picks

In case you aren't aware, the Nordstrom anniversary sale starts this weekend. If you have a Nordstrom card, you can have access now. The cool thing about this sale is that instead of things going on sale when they've been in the store for a while and are out of season, things are on sale BEFORE the season starts and the items actually go UP in price after the sale. You know that I don't advocate going crazy just because things are on sale, but if you have some items you've had on your wish list, this is the time to get a good price on them. 

 

When you only have a few bottoms, they wear out quickly. I'm really in need of a pair of black skinny pants or jeans. I love Madewell jeans, but they really don't go on sale often at the Madewell store. Luckily, Nordstrom also carries a few Madewell items and I might snag these while they're on sale. $85, after sale $128. (Edited to add: I actually bought these AG black high-waisted jeans instead - sooo comfy!) 

Speaking of bottoms, Paige jeans are always a hit with my clients, they're super soft and stretchy and comfortable. This pair is almost half off during the sale - I can't even find them that cheap on eBay. 

I'm sick of carrying around heavy tote bags, so I've had my eye on a backpack for a while. This one's cute.

Bonus (not pictured): my favorite underwear, which I'll definitely be stocking up on. 

Remember: keep a running shopping list of needs so that you're not tempted by impulse buys!

P.S. This post contains affiliate links. 

P.P.S. fern print pictured via etsy

a few thoughts about mindful holiday shopping

a few thoughts about mindful holiday shopping

It's that magical time of year. The time when all practical considerations go out of the window. When we get caught up in the hysteria created by marketing teams to make us feel that we'll regret it if we pass up an amazing deal. I posted last spring about mindful shopping tips, but at this time of year, sometimes all rational thinking deserts us. 

My thoughts: prepare as much as you can. If you have a list, stick to it. If you don't have a list, make one. Now. My list includes a leather jacket (has been on the list for years), a winter coat (I've had mine, which wasn't expensive to begin with, for about 6 years), a warm sweater with an interesting shape, the elusive lightweight bag, and replacements for my taupe suede booties and black suede wedge booties. If any of these show up with amazing deals this weekend, I'll know I'm buying because it's something I need, not because I'm seduced by the sale.

If you succumb to the excitement, keep your receipt and follow through on returning. (BTW, I returned the tank I got for 92% off from my last post. It didn't even fit well. I got sucked in by the deal.) Yes, I know it can be a hassle, but if you don't, not only do you lose money, but you're stuck with physical clutter. Either you return it now, or have to deal with it in a few years when you finally clean out your closet. Keep items that need returning in your car with the receipt taped to them and you'll be ready next time you're running errands. 

Talk to friends and family about gifts. I feel grateful that my family has never gone crazy with gifts. We send an email every year asking what we should do for gifts. Some years we've set price limits. Some years we've sent specific wish lists. One year we did a white elephant gift exchange. This year, we decided to just give small gifts to the kids. The real fun is watching little ones open things anyway. When I'm going through clients' closets, it never fails to amaze me how many things are given as gifts that the recipient would never even consider wearing. I understand that not everyone's family is open to discussing a plan for gifts, and if that's the case, genuinely and gratefully accept what you're given. The pleasure is usually in the act of giving for the gifter. That moment is really the gift, and it often doesn't matter what happens afterwards (i.e. that item doesn't actually have to live in your closet).

Hope this helps you shop a bit more mindfully this week.

P.S. a mindful closet gift certificate is always a great idea!

five tips for a mindful shopping trip

five tips for a mindful shopping trip

The actual process of going to a store or looking online and purchasing clothing can be overwhelming or frustrating even for those who enjoy it.

Here are my best tips:


1) Before going shopping, MAKE. A. LIST. I can't emphasize enough how important this is. You can't go shopping without knowing what you're looking for. Well, you can, but I can guarantee you will regret most of what you buy. A shopping list should come from defining your style, evaluating your wardrobe, and thoughtfully planning what is needed to make it function at its best. Also, be specific. "Clothes for work" is not an appropriate item for a shopping list. "Slim leg, neutral colored, stretchy cotton blend pants" is an appropriate item. "Top" = no good. "Printed blouse in a washable fabric with an a-line shape" = good. Get the idea?

2) Go shopping at a non-peak time like a weekday or first thing in the morning, even if this means taking a half day from work. It's worth it. Everything will be better. Salespeople will have more time to help, they will be in a better mood, there will be less noise, fewer people, more sizes available. This all results in a much less stressful experience. Wear comfortable shoes and a cross body bag so that your hands are free. Dress nicely and do your hair and makeup so that you feel good about yourself. Bring snacks and water. This might all seem trivial, but trust me, it's the difference between mindful and meltdown.

3) While browsing, focus on only one item on your list at a time. For instance, if you are looking for the printed blouse in our example above, pull only printed blouses on your first sweep through the store. Next, go back and look for the neutral slim leg pant. This way of isolating things helps cut through the visual clutter that can be overwhelming in a store with thousands of items. Try not to get distracted. Recently, a saleswoman I often work with offered to show me pants that hadn't been put out on the floor yet. My client and I were both temporarily swayed by the prospect of "new!" "secret!" pants, but since we were specifically shopping for tops, we declined to even look. 

4) Now you've made it to the dressing room. You've taken everything that might be an option, even if you're not sure. Things often transform when on a body, so don't rule something out because it doesn't look good on the hanger. This might mean that you're trying on 40, 50, 60 items. It's ok. Don't feel guilty about making work for the salespeople (or is that just me?), it's their job. Be quick and ruthless. If it works, put it aside as a potential buy. If it doesn't, don't take it personally and move on.

5) The decision making process will be easier if you follow the preceding steps. For instance, if you have the printed top on your list and you follow step three, you won't end up in the fitting room with things you don't need. If you have a snack, you won't buy something just because you're hangry and want to get out asap. So now you've tried everything. Revisit that first round of potential buys. Narrow down your options. Try them again. Take pictures. Get a second opinion (not because you're going to take it, but because it'll help you clarify what you really think). Do not take the opinion of the salesperson. Their goal is to get you to buy, regardless of whether you should or not. Ask yourself a bunch of questions: will this go with most of my wardrobe? Will I still like this in six months? Do I really need it? Why am I buying it? Am I buying it because it's cheap? Because it's on my list? Because it fits my style? Would I buy this if it wasn't on sale? Is this better than something I already have? (If so, get rid of the less good item in your closet immediately) Is this worth having an overstuffed, stress-inducing closet for? Will I want to return this in a few weeks, creating more work for myself?

We all make mistakes sometimes, but hopefully these tips will help you
avoid a few of them!

Still totally overwhelmed and need tips for online shopping? Check out my Stress Free Shopping workshop.

It’s 90 minutes full of all my best tips and tricks for finding the things you need and ordering the correct sizes online.