I talk often about feeling the freedom to wear what feels good to you, without the pressures society puts on us to conform to a certain look. Unfortunately, there are two societies in our culture, and they don’t have equal freedoms. One is allowed to choose how they want to show up and one is policed to death if they don’t show up in the way the dominant caste deems appropriate.
In the aftermath of the Amaud Arbery and George Floyd murders, one of the pieces of advice given by Rachel Rodgers was to “name white supremacy and the impact of racism on both our personal and professional lives.”
Before then, I might have thought that race didn’t apply to clothes, or it did only in obvious ways (not enough Black models in high fashion, for example). But fashion and the clothes we wear are intricately linked to how our society enforces the American caste system.
Earlier this year, I posted on Instagram about this, and my friend Jennedy commented that she thought about it every single day when she got dressed. I asked her to share more (and yes, compensated her for her emotional labor).
Photo by All Things Simple Photography
Dacy: When I posted about how Black people don’t have the same freedom to dress how they want, you mentioned that you had a lot of experience with navigating that and that it was a real daily concern for you. Can you tell me more about your experience?
Jennedy: Racial profiling is alive and well in both professional and public settings. In my experience as a high school educator in a public school, I can wear pretty much anything to work, but I don't. I have many interactions daily with parents where I discuss college options, etc. and I do not feel comfortable giving them an excuse to believe that I am not a qualified professional in this area. If I have a parent meeting, especially an evening event, I am always sure to step it up a notch - no jeans, nice shoes, conservative jewelry and hair. These are the situations that make me feel like I don’t have the luxury to be able to choose what I actually want to wear every day. My coworkers do not always do the same - people often ask me - "why are you so dressed up?" I feel like I have to be.
In my previous work as a college admission professional, I was dressed in a suit, training a student during a college fair. A man walked up to the table and as I started to talk, he wouldn’t look at me. He proceeded to ask the young man in khakis and a polo questions that he didn’t have the answers to.
Outside of my professional work, I have always had trouble defining my own style because of all of the mixed messages I've received growing up regarding my clothing. My parents would never let us wear pajamas or ripped clothing to school and insisted everything be ironed. They never wanted us to be grouped into anyone's stereotypes about Black people. Presentation & clothing was always emphasized in our home. For my Black brothers it was also about survival - no baggy clothes, earrings, "do-rags", chains, etc. I feel like I always have to dress to fit into a certain crowd or world in order to prove that I belong.
I've always lived in communities and belonged to circles of friends that are predominately white, so this is the norm for me. Even as I moved into the "real world" after college, it was evident that my worth/validity was being determined not only by my skin color but by my clothing and appearance.
Right now, as an active, working mom who runs errands, drives to activities, and attends events around town (including classical music events my husband performs in), I still adjust my daily decisions on what to wear based on who I would see (and how they would see me). That is the first consideration when deciding what to wear everyday - not what makes me feel comfortable or what color I want to wear.
When I go to the playground with my kids I am sure that I'm very presentable. When I go for a run, I make sure that I’m dressed in obvious athletic clothing so no one mistakes me for a criminal running away from a scene. When I go to the mall - I always make sure to wear nice clothes (among other things like keeping my hands out of my pockets & purse) so that I'm not targeted or followed around (this even happens at places like World Market).
I can specifically remember getting more dressed up than necessary to do a few different things: Shop for an engagement ring at a jeweler, test-driving cars, Parent/Teacher nights at school, searching for a house/apartment, meeting/interviewing a pediatrician, going to a nicer restaurant.
Dacy: What’s your personal feeling about getting dressed/dressed up? Is it something you enjoy or something you feel constrained by expectations around?
Jennedy: Getting dressed every day is more about checking boxes for other people’s comfort and not my own. I do enjoy wearing nicer things - dressier items, heels, intentional makeup, etc. If I'm in my personal world of people I know and trust, I will be a little more bold with my choices. If not, I tend to choose more conservative "proper" clothing. I never want people to think I'm more risque because I'm wearing really large hoop earrings, or over sexualized when I show a little cleavage.
Dacy: How does showing up in the world as a Black woman affect your choices about what to wear?
Jennedy: I have always just wanted to present myself as the best version of Black person that anyone could imagine and leave as little room as possible for me to be stereotyped negatively and prove “them” wrong. I will say that I have felt less stressed about proving this in the last couple of years, but it is definitely always in my mind.
Dacy: Is there anything you wish you could wear but can’t because of how you’re afraid you’ll be perceived?
Jennedy: For sure. Anything that is too tight, cut too low, or could be considered "unprofessional". I’m still not comfortable wearing t-shirts with Black Lives Matter or other pro-Black sentiments on them. I'm afraid for one crazy person to say something to me or throw something at me.
Dacy: I imagine that some of the anxiety around this has to do with Kyle (Jennedy’s husband) and your boys. What do you worry about for them?
Jennedy: I don't ever want to end up in a situation where someone says something or does something that puts the health or safety of my family in jeopardy. Walking around in this skin already puts me at risk. Anything I can do to reduce that risk is worth it.
Kyle truly loves to dress nicely, but a lot of times him throwing on a suit jacket is literally him suiting himself in armor against racism and stereotyping. He is typically the most dressed up person in a room. I remember him wearing a blazer to go to hunt for apartments with his roommate ten years ago. His white roommate showed up in a white undershirt and shorts. He had to explain to his white roommate that he would be judged on whether or not he would be a good tenant and how much the rent/deposit would be based on his skin alone. His roommate said he had never thought about that before. All of what I'm saying is amplified 100x for Black men, by the way.
Dacy: What haven’t I asked that’s important for me to know?
Jennedy: Of course, this is just my personal experience growing up in a strict household as a child of immigrants in the middle of (now very conservative and racially divisive) Missouri. I also have always been in (and ultimately chose) to be in spaces that happen to be predominately white. This is not the same experience for every Black person. Thank you for allowing me to share my perspective. Hopefully it sheds some light on a cross section of the Black experience in America.
photo by Celeste Boyer Photography
Thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing these experiences, Jennedy.
To a world where everyone is able to show up as themselves. -Dacy